Skip to content Skip to footer

Bickering is a Red Flag

It’s normal for couples to have disagreements, but when small arguments become constant, they can drain intimacy and joy. Many people wonder, what do do if we bicker too much—especially when it seems like every little issue sparks conflict. As much as light bantering coming from a playful place can be a relationship strength, tipping over into this other place can be a problem.

Bickering often arises from unmet emotional needs, misunderstandings, or old wounds that get triggered in everyday situations. When partners don’t feel heard, validated, or emotionally safe, minor frustrations can escalate. Over time, these cycles erode  emotional safety and chip away at the sense of partnership.

Repetitive Cycles

One important step is recognizing the cycle itself. Many couples fall into repetitive patterns: one partner pursues with criticism while the other withdraws, or both escalate into heated exchanges. You want to avoid moving from being a bickering couple to a high conflict couple.

If bickering is a problem in your relationship, contact me.

Outside of Marin but still in California? Check out my California Online Therapy option.

Are you local, in California (or anywhere else), not looking for therapy but would like my feedback? I offer relationship consultations on LoveAndLifeToolbox.com.

author avatar
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT has a private practice in Marin County (Larkspur), CA., working with individuals and couples in-office or via tele-health for those in California. Lisa is also the creator of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com with articles and tools in support of emotional health and relationships. A frequent media consultant, she has appeared online in CNN, HuffingtonPost, Shape, Men’s Health and others. She lives in Mill Valley, California, loves nature, travel and is an avid tennis player.