It can be easier said than done to eliminate these damaging habits in your relationship. Many of us have learned problematic communication patterns in our families of origin or struggle with issues around trust in relationships that leading to knee-jerk, unhelpful responses. If you make attempts to follow Dr. Gottman's suggestions but still find yourself…
No matter what the other does or says, you each are solely responsible for your responses. This may seem counter-intuitive to you, particularly if your mate behaves in outrageous ways but couples who successfully manage their own emotional reactivity and can keep physiologically regulated (and not "rage" for example) can more effectively work through disagreements. …